


I Will Just Be Me

by acrazyworldofdreams



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Estranged from Parents, Inspired by the song Just be Me - Henry Lau, M/M, More tags to be added, Self-Determination, Strangers to Friends, Strawberry Themed Cafe, difficult family relationships, mentions of mental health issues, nomin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:40:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27999132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acrazyworldofdreams/pseuds/acrazyworldofdreams
Summary: Jaemin grew up with parents who were obsessed with him becoming something or somebody important. He tried so hard to be what they wanted. but in every way, Jaemin was just average and he was okay with that. His parents, however, were not and they kicked him out the day he failed to get into University. What followed was a life working in a strawberry-themed cafe, taking care of his 'adopted' younger brother and a weekly baking session, which allowed him to express the parts of himself he stowed away along time ago.Jaemin has the ordinary life he's always wanted but when a stranger starts sending notes of appreciation for his baking in the empty Tupperware boxes Donghyuck brings home from work, Jaemin learns his ordinariness might not be so ordinary,
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan & Lee Jeno, Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin, Na Jaemin & Park Jisung
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25





	1. Prologue: This is the only me I can be.

_“I will just be me. This is the only me I can be!”_

These are the words Jaemin consistently tells himself when faced with difficult situations. For most of his life, his family have wanted him to be someone he is not and it has taken a long time for him to accept they will never allow him to just be himself. 

They need him to be good at academics, possibly a physicist or biologist or even a chemist. 

All his life, the dreams they had of him involved him reaching the heights of academic. Accolades attached to promises of wealth and of security. 

They wanted him to be a businessman with a white collar and black tie, as cunning as a shark and charming as a fox, but he was neither of these things. 

They wanted him to dazzle with his bright smile and tell a thousand stories with his face and his actions on the big and small screens. He shied away from the spotlight.

They wanted a son who would never disagree with them, who would fall in line. A son that would follow the stepping stones they so carefully laid out. Instead, they got Jaemin and the disappointment only grew as the years aged upon him. He was just himself and that wasn’t enough for them. 

With each decision which took Jaemin away from the technicolour dream world they had created for him to populate, the less brightly he shone in their esteem. Eventually when his failure to take the final step into adulthood by attending a prestigious University took him too far off the path they had built so carefully for him, they determined it was no longer tolerable. 

This is the Jaemin that found himself disregarded, left out in the cold facing a world he did not know would accept him. If his parents could not, then who could?

The only thing he did know was that he could always rely upon himself. 

He told himself _“I will just be me. This is the only me I can be!”_

And for the longest time that was enough. Until one day he found new words hidden in a simple Tupperware box. 

_“You give me hope in the darkest corners where the light does not shine. You are the extraordinary I’ve been waiting for my whole life.”_

Perhaps to someone, Jaemin could be more than ordinary but would it be worth it?


	2. The Strawberry Cafe

It’s a busy day in the cafe. The patrons’ chatter is creating a cacophony, which always reminds Jaemin of the skylarks in the tree by his home, whose chirping can be heard across the neighbourhood. The cafe has always been a popular spot with the local University students, but over time more and more tourists have ventured to their area of Seoul to sample the delights of the baked goods and a viewing of the almost garish, but seemingly on the right side of cutely decorative themed cafe. 

However, the reason for today’s overpowering noise is the fact they currently have a promotion running on one of the more popular Korean discount apps. An offer for two strawberry cupcakes for the price of one, meaning every table is booked out and the staff are rushed off their feet. 

Even with the chaos surrounding them though, Jaemin still manages to enjoy watching as others go about their lives in this small cafe. The way they eat and drink so casually without concern for their otherworldly pressures and worries. In coming to The Strawberry Cafe they get caught up in the magic of it all. They bask in the extraordinariness of the place, making even the most sceptical of people gasp in delight. Secretly Jaemin believes it reminds them of the magic found in simple pleasures that they knew instinctively in their childhood.

When Jaemin takes a moment to catch his breath, he massages his wrists to try to alleviate the ache from the carrying of multiple heaving trays back and forth, but Jaemin refuses to moan. He is determined to never complain about the work that continues to credit money against his fragile-looking bank balance. This was more important than ever since last month’s bills had gone over his limited budget. 

The reality was that winter had seeped into their hard-to-heat apartment so badly that Jaemin could hardly say no when his roommates proposed switching on the heating more and splitting it four ways.

How could Jaemin tell them, _‘Sorry I can’t. If we do, I won’t be able to afford to eat this month”._ It wasn’t quite as dire as his worries made him fear, but Jaemin often lived far closer to the lower limits of his bank account than his housemates would ever know. So instead, he said yes and looked for a solution to his problem. 

The idea Jaemin settled on was to ask the morning manager and shift scheduler Taeil to give him additional shifts. In life, it was often far easier to get more from a trusted source of work than to try and seek out new employment. Those that knew you and liked you, wanted to help even if they didn’t know why you needed help. Jaemin tried to enjoy the unexpected warmth for the additional hours they had it and to remain grateful for the ability to earn the additional money.

Today’s tiring shift was the result of his small dilemma, the first of three this week, with his day starting at 7 am and not finishing until 9 pm. The bright side to all this was that a long shift enabled him to see all his co-workers. On a normal shift, he often could only see one set of them. The early morning workers Yangyang, Xiaojun, Hendrey and Winwin never fail to make him smile and the wacky bunch of staff, whose infectious energy and hard-working ethos, made the morning go by in a flash.

Then the lunch team, from Sungchan and Shotaro, both students who work a few lunchtimes a week, to Mark and Doyoung who both work 6 days a week to support their chosen careers paths. Today featuring Mark and Sungchan to great joy for Jaemin. He quite liked that about The Strawberry Cafe, the way it supported the dreams of all its staff members. 

Lastly the evening staff. Mostly made up of people with jobs which took up their days but didn’t cover all the bills, yet. Taeyong and Yuta, who owned a small fashion label, which was doing well but not well enough to mean they could quit. Then Jaehyun, a semi-professional athlete and Lucas, an upcoming actor, the latter duo being scheduled to work this evening. This group neatly filled out the rest of the ranks of the cafe. Except, of course, Jaemin’s favourite member of all the staff, Jisung. 

And a small happiness today would be at 4 pm when his youngest co-worker Jisung would walk through the bell jingling pink door, coming in from school to start his afternoon shift. The boy is like a younger brother for the doting Jaemin. Jisung reminds Jaemin of his younger self. Someone who feels he is nothing special in a world of expected extraordinariness. Except, unlike Jaemin, Jisung is a talented linguist, speaking Korean, English, Chinese and some Japanese. Something he often downplays but Jaemin can see such potential in him. What those words in his mind could open up for him in the wider world is limitless, but Jisung often tells him he is happy with the life he has, and who is Jaemin to tell Jisung how to live.

For now, Jaemin still has the afternoon to get through and the cafe’s theme, popular across Seoul and featured on many Naver blogs, means Jaemin has additional duties to attend to. Mostly these involve him taking candid or posed shots of patrons with their strawberry statue, which resides by a strawberry-shaped pond. At times, Jaemin felt like he became more of a photographer than a member of the wait staff. 

Today the queue for photographs is longer than usual, and Taeil has asked him to facilitate photo-taking and getting the patrons back to their tables to make sure things run smoothly. Patrons only get 2 hours in the cafe to ensure everyone who wants to can visit, so it’s important they are served promptly and their food doesn't go cold. 

_“Jaemin would you be in our photo?”_

The request isn’t a new one, but as always, Jaemin quietly declines. They only know his name from his strawberry-shaped name tag, but that isn’t the reason he says no. Jaemin does not like to be in photos. 

When one wants to disappear from a life no longer lived, it is important to remain hidden. He knows many of these bloggers have 1000’s of followers and it wouldn’t take long for his parents to find out his location. He hasn’t punished them for their decisions, because, in some ways, Jaemin understands them. How could they bear to be around a son who couldn’t be anything they wanted? He falls so short of their expectations that every time they look at him, they must feel the disappointment rise once more and overwhelm them. It’s better this way but as a small consideration for himself, Jaemin wishes to stay hidden in his new life of ordinariness. 

So with warm smiles, Jaemin sends the impressionable girls on their way. Most of his afternoon is promptly taken up by the numerous photoshoots and table service deliveries of strawberry pot cupcakes and strawberry flavoured lattes. It is exhausting. 

It is the staff (mostly Jisung) that make the job worth it for Jaemin because if he’s honest, he’s never really been a fan of the artificial strawberry flavour. Actually, he hates it, but this is also the cafe that offered him work all those months ago when he had little to his name and no job. This is the place which gave him Jisung, and his co-workers, and even introduced him to Kun, the owner, someone Jaemin has come to admire greatly for even the small achievement of owning his own cafe at twenty-four. 

Not that he could say his housemates were as welcoming of his job and the accompanying Strawberry scent which seeped its way into every aspect of Jaemins life. Renjun and Donhyuck often complained about the overpowering smell Jaemin’s work clothes left in the laundry room each week. Just a little too sweet for their tastes. But he always makes it up to them with his sweet treats. Some of these come from the cafe’s leftover daily leftovers, but mostly they are created by Jaemin himself. He never told anyone about his secret passion until he was unable to hide it from his housemates, who have since sworn an oath of secrecy upon pain of death, to never reveal this knowledge to anyone. This secret passion has Jaemin baking every Sunday evening after work. Dreaming up anything from simple colourful sugar cookies to beautiful and sparkly unicorn-themed cakes. 

Sundays are the one day of the week Jaemin allows himself to let go. To explore the deepest dreams he threw away a long time ago in search of a perfect existence for his parents. Each week he creates something new, something beautiful and every week, once he’s worked tirelessly to achieve perfection, he packs the baking away into boxes and gifts them to his roommates. Jaemin doesn’t know what happens to them, other than his Tupperware boxes come back empty and the cycle begins again. He doesn’t want to know.

_“Jaemin, your brother has arrived”_

Finally, the words he’s been waiting to hear from their evening manager Johnny. Jisung is here. Handing the phone back to its owner, who looks briefly put out by his actions, Jaemin excuses himself to say hello to his little brother. 

But there is more to the greeting today, Jisung has had an interview for a language abroad programme this summer in Japan. One Jaemin needled and prodded in his own small ways to make Jisung apply for. Jaemin will not let the important people in his life let their dreams pass them by, simply because they can not see their true potential. 

_“SO….how did it go?”_ Jaemin asks, unable to hold in the building excitement. 

Jisung shrugs at Jaemin in his normal exasperated teenager manner. The one Jaemin had learnt long ago to ignore, knowing Jising thrives under the attention Jaemin gives him. He often grants Jaemin his full attention rather than the nonchalant disinterest he shows most adults, including his own overbearing parents. Jaemin doesn’t know why Jisung lets him in but there were greater life learnings to discover than figuring out why Park Jisung aged nineteen let Na Jaemin, aged twenty-one, bother him like an annoying older brother. 

_“It..was….erm….I kinda think... I did okay?”_ Jisung as always stumbles through his thoughts as he does when he feels the most nervous and flustered. _“There was a point though that the interviewer asked me a question in English, which I totally misunderstood, but the way I answered was kinda funny...so we all laughed about my answer...making it seem like I meant to say it.”_

_“So you were Jisung brilliant then?”_ Jaemin prods and captures the younger’s hand, giving it a little squeeze. Something they’d long since established as Jaemin’s way of giving the love he needs to give, in a way that Jisung can accept it. Shyly Jising nods and accepts the gesture and Jaemin knows Jisung needs to hear it today, even in this slightly odd manner, no matter what Jisung regularly says he’s too old for.

_“Okay, that’s enough slacking from you Jaemin, get back out there and Jisung gets changed, you’re on counter duty for the dinner rush and then you’re on table service with Jaemin until close. Sound good?”_ Johnny jolts them back into the workday and they part ways.

*

Everything goes well for most of the shift until Jisung seems to get caught up in his own brain, and drops a tray of drinks. It doesn’t happen often but Jaemin immediately leaps into action, knowing Jisung will overthink it and start to panic. Finishing with his own customers, Jaemin heads over to Jisung who is already furiously attempting to gather the broken glass with his fingers. Worried about his fingers, Jaemin stops him and sends him to get a broom and a mop. 

Jaemin sends smiles to the surrounding customers and asks how their food is. Distraction is always a top tactic for service etiquette in the cafe. Jisung returns quickly, and Jaemin gets him to sweep up the stray glass pieces, whilst Jaemin begins to mop the split strawberry milkshake he guesses was being served before meeting its demise. It’s over in a few minutes and they return to the staff area, depositing the cleaning equipment in their rightful homes.

“Shit, I’m so fucking useless” Jaemin hears from Jisung. It’s not unexpected. His little brother’s usual response to a simple mistake is to berate himself. Knowing words right away are unlikely to help, Jaemin instead pulls the reluctant Jisung into a hug and although Jisung doesn’t grasp him back, Jaemin continues to rub soothing small circles into his back. Regular and focused. Jisung needs something to focus his attention on that isn’t his thoughts otherwise they might start to tumble into the negative. This Jaemin knows is easily done by Jisung. 

After a few minutes of this, Jaemin attempts speaking, _“Do you remember the time I dropped that piece of strawberry cake right onto that blogger's lap and spent the rest of the shift apologising for it with a strawberry red face?”_ Jisung nods to demonstrate his acknowledgement of Jaemin’s words.

_“Well was that better or worse than what just happened?”_ A pause as Jisung contemplates the question. 

“ _Worse_ ” comes the quiet reply. Jaemin smiles, of course, it was worse and thankfully Johnny had had a sense of humour that day. _“And how did that turn out for me?”_ He only asks because Jisung needs to say this out loud for himself. 

_“It was fine, you were fine”._

_“Exactly. I was 100% fine.”_ Jaemin reaffirms Jisung’s answer, pulling away to look into his eyes, the ones which are finally able to focus on Jaemin. _“And so will you be, okay?”_ Jisung bits his lower lip, evidently following Jaemin’s thought process. The one he needs to ensure he stays afloat.

_“Okay”_ Jisung lips curl up at the edges of his mouth and Jaemin smiles widely in response.

_"Let’s get back out there?”_

Jisung nods and the crisis is averted. The rest of the longest shift on earth flies by once they return to work. Jaemin spends much of it throwing winks and smiles at Jisung in a bid to keep the boy’s mood light. It works and the pair end up closing up the tills together with Jaehyun and Lucas on Kitchen and Floor duties respectively. 

As they work counting up the intake for the day, a song plays on the cafe’s speakers called “2 Kids” (by one of their favourite singers Taemin), and it sparks an idea for Jaemin. It’s not often Jaemin feels comfortable enough to do anything out of the ordinary but he knows Jisung needs it more than he needs to keep himself small. So Jaemin grabs the till scanner and starts using it as a mic and dancing around the small till area. He looks a bit ridiculous, but that’s what Jaemin is counting on. 

Jisung notices quickly and glances around checking to see who can see. He is always far more self-conscious than he needs to be. He begs Jaemin to stop but Jaemin refuses and instead increases the gusto behind the moves, shouting out that the quicker Jisung joins the quicker it will be over. Jaemin watches from the corner of his eye for the moment his little brother gives in and lets go of his concerns, and grabs his own till scanner to sing into. It’s wonderful the way the small cafe fills with happy energy as they sing and let go of all their worries, even Lucas starts swinging his broom around dancing to the beat. 

At this moment, Jaemin isn’t a person of simple ordinariness and Jisung isn’t a boy with worries that sometimes overwhelm him. Instead, they are two souls who are free, connected and perfect in every way. The song ends and Jaemin releases Jisung from the torture but the smile remains on Jaemin’s face long after they’ve packed up and locked the cafe, bidding each other and the other team members farewell. Jisung heads home on his bike and Jaemin starts walking the slightly frosty 20-minute journey towards his home and that heating he’s worked so hard for. 

He knows leftovers are waiting for him in the overstocked fridge, courtesy of Chenle’s cooking obsession, and whilst eating maybe there’ll be a few stories from his housemates about their days to entertain his spirits. The same usual life. Then it’ll be time for bed again, as Jaemin is due in work again for another 8 am shift, not as long as today’s shift but enough for him to want to be well-rested. His days are always the same but Jaemin finds great comfort in the daily rhythm of that. He feels safe and hidden. 

Jaemin eventually falls asleep thinking up what this week’s treat could be, perhaps a trophy themed one to celebrate Jisung’s success. And maybe he’ll even give one to Jisung if Jaemin is feeling brave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoying the world building on this one. FYI this is both slow burn but also not.


	3. Bear Claws

When Jaemin begins his weekly ritual of baking, he always knows exactly what he will be crafting. Besides the necessity of acquiring specific ingredients, he always has a vision in mind; often inspired by life in the cafe. 

So much happens every day that Jaemin finds himself channelling his experiences into his bakes. Almost like a kind of therapy. He once watched a movie where the protagonist named her pies after all the horrible things that were happening to her and Jaemin kind of relates a lot to that.

 _“So what’s on the menu for this week, Master Baker?”_ Donghyuck needles Jaemin from his perch at the end of the kitchen counter. Jaemin doesn’t mind his roommate’s company whilst baking but the incessant commentary isn’t always welcome. 

_“Bear claws”_ Jaemin answers, half distracted by his hands being covered in flour as he rolls out the dough into the long rectangle shape the recipe requires. He’s decided to go for cinnamon roll bear claws. Mostly because of Johnny at work, who’d been talking all week about how much he missed home. 

Johnny had been telling little stories here and there of how he used to grab a coffee and a bear claw with his friends, and how they would walk the streets of Chicago. He spoke of their little ritual of visiting the bean and taking funny photos of their reflections together. He’d looked so sad that Jaemin had felt the urge to bake something from Johnny’s past and surprise him, not something he did often.

 _“Never had a bear claw”_ Donghyuck muses quietly, whilst watching Jaemin as he begins to spread out the cinnamon filling evenly across the spread out the dough. Always a stickler for perfection Jaemin puts his focus on covering all the edges and at the same time purposely ignoring Donghyuck’s chitter-chatter. 

Once satisfied with his efforts, Jaemin begins to roll the whole thing lengthways. before finishing with a pinch at either end. At some point during this, the room goes silent and it’s only when Jaemin looks up at his roommate does he sees the remnants of awe in Donghyuck’s eyes.

Jaemin throws him an eye roll and hisses _“Stop looking at me like that!!_ ” Not used to or enjoying the look. Any kind of acknowledgement of his skill is unwelcome in Jaemin’s eyes.

 _“But you’re sooooo good”_ Donghyuck whines in response. _“And if I didn’t already know just how amazing these are going to taste, I would still be able to tell how talented you are Jaemin. Like seriously how did you roll that up so perfectly on like your first attempt?”_

Jaemin shugs the praise off again but does take a second to consider the words. He’s never questioned it before. Jaemin has just always naturally understood the nature of food and how it came together. The way the dough feels in his hand is so natural and he can often tell the second it’s ready; leaving Jaemin with bakes that rise perfectly in the heat and melt in the mouth of its consumers. But would Jaemin call it a skill? He knows his parents wouldn’t, but perhaps someone like Kun might. If he ever let him try anything he baked. He dismisses the thought as quickly as he created it and squashes down any further ideas. Those never led anywhere helpful.

 _“It just is the way it is, Donghyuck”_ Jaemin replies firmly. _“And if you don’t drop this line of thought, you won’t be trying any of this week’s goodies”._ Jaemin tries to sound stern but looking at Donghyuck’s sad eyes, he gives in almost immediately. 

_“Oh stop it you. You know I’d never deprive you!”_ he exclaims to a now happy looking Donghyuck. The boy in question claps giddily and turns his attention back to Jaemin’s hands, which have been busy throughout their small exchange. The rolled-up length is now cut up into it’s smaller parts with Jaemin using his sharpest knife to make little diagonal cuts through all of them. 

He is careful and precise, and when all 18 are done Jaemin places them on the various baking trays he already prepared on the countertops. The final stage of the bake is the slight curve he has to add to each one to give it the claw shape. Jaemin takes his time to get them just right and smiles in satisfaction at the end result.

Once finished Jaemin enlists Donghyuck’s help to open the oven and slides the trays inside, being careful not to catch his hands on the edges as he has in the past. Jaemin’s watch informs him that the 30-40 minute baking time will take them up to just past seven, which is just enough time to make up some kimchi rice and prepare some of the leftovers from last night’s takeout. Donghyuck, Renjun and Chenle never really want to eat the same thing again so soon, meaning Jaemin can indulge a little outside of his usual basic food menu. 

_“Do you want me to prepare some food for you Hyuckie?”_ Jaemin asks but the boy shakes his head quickly. 

_“Ahh no, I’ve got a date in a bit but I just wanted to watch you bake first and maybe….have one before I go…?”_ The question makes Jaemin laugh. Nothing quite motivates Donghyuck like hot pastries. 

_“Hmm we’ll see”_ he murmurs in response, not really wanting to face another pout.

 _“Will you be okay on your own?”_ Donghyuck’s follow-up question surprises him. Jaemin knows his life isn’t very exciting and that living so close to the poverty line might make him seem pitiful but he feels uncomfortable whenever his friends sound out their worry for him. 

_“I’m fine.”_

_“Seriously Jaemin, all you do is work, sleep and sometimes bake. Don’t you feel like something’s missing?”_

The pushing is not welcome. It carves away at carefully crafted boundaries that Donghyuck should know better than to gnaw at. It’s frustrating and Jaemin knows it seeps into tone when he responds to Donghyuck’s care with “ _Leave it Hyuckie”_. 

_“...I just...”_ Donghyuck attempts once again but - getting Jaemin’s continued look of annoyance instead says “ _I’m sorry”_. Instant regret fills Jaemin’s heart and he instinctively reaches out to grab Donghyck’s hand, which is clenching slightly.

 _“I’m sorry too. It’s just really I’m okay. I’m happy enough with the life I have. I know it’s not the life you would choose but it’s good enough for me.”_ Jaemin feels the hand under his unclench and in tandem his own heart.

 _“I just want what’s best for you,”_ Donghyuck offers quietly, putting his other hand over the top of Jaemin’s hand. 

It’s still strange to have people in his life who care only about his happiness. It’s taken Jaemin a lot of time to accept any kind of love gifted to him, and he still struggles at times. So he nods and pulls away gently to check on the claws. 

Noting the halfway point has been reached, Jaemin pulls them out to layer more butter over them. Never can have too much butter, he always thinks. Whilst the claws continue to bake, Jaemin sets to finishing his meal, with Donghyuck heading off to finish his hair and make-up for his date. The boy doesn’t do a lot to get ready but the things he does do always accentuates his best features, namely his eyes and pretty smile. 

In another life, Jaemin thinks he may have crushed hard on Donghyuck. From his caring nature to natural good looks, he would brighten up anyone’s life. But no-one has ever sparked anything inside of Jaemin’s heart. Except maybe Jisung, but that was more of the love a family might create within you. He muses. 

Jaemin has never felt like someone just saw him for himself. A perfectly ordinary Jaemin and been okay with that. So he had sealed his heart away, content to just live it out this way. 

The timer pings before Jaemin can finish his thoughts and the smell, even Jaemin admits, is heavenly. Sometimes when he’s kind to himself he allows a moment to bask in the revelation that he made this beautiful smell, that this is his doing, created from his hard work and effort alone. Something that one day could be applauded by others.

And then the moment is over. 

Dutifully Jaemin pulls out the claws, checking them all for an even bake. As usual, he has been successful and he begins to place the trays on top of the kitchen hobs for them to cool enough for him to transfer over to his various wire racks. Jaemin still needs to make the glaze, he reads off his mental list, and to prepare the Tupperware boxes. Usually, he does this when they’re returned to him over the week from his roommates but with the additional shifts, Jaemin just hasn’t had the time and so they must be done now instead.

Sugar, milk and vanilla extract are the final ingredients to prepare and as he does so, the front door swings open to reveal a very cold looking Renjun, who according to Donghyuck shouldn’t be home for another few hours. 

_“Argh”_ Renjun shouts as he fights to remove his outer clothing which has him bundled up like a small child. _“Stupid, fucking group mates”_ The smallest roommate of the four has always been the most terrifying. 

Meeting Renjun had taught Jaemin that size didn’t determine who you were as a person, and that nobody could decide what you should be like but you. The second lesson being something Jaemin had discovered slowly and surely for himself over the year since he’d last seen his family. 

_“You okay, Injunnie?”_ Jaemin asks as he starts moving the slightly cooler claws from the trays to the racks. They look golden with darker patches, where the cinnamon has begun to come through. 

Renjun’s voice comes through much clearer in his response as he manages to get his scarf and coat removed. _“Eurgh, yes, no. I will be once I eat one of whatever the hell you’ve been baking. Jesus they smell fucking great.”_

The potty mouth on Renjun never fails to surprise Jaemin but still, he laughs enjoying the theatrics of the moment. Life is certainly never quite with him and Donghyuck around. _“Sure, they’re just cooling and you can one in a bit with a cup of tea.”_

Jaemin offers to make said tea whilst Renjun continues to unlayer and put his stuff away. His roommate gratefully nods and smiles at him, making his way past towards his room. Just as he disappears out of sight, Donghuck reappears sniffing the air like the untrained puppy he is. 

_“Holy shit Jaemin they look amazing!”_ Donghyuck shouts as he crowds up into the space Jaemin is occupying, reaching for a claw. Jaemin smacks the small hand out of the way tutting and scolding as he goes. _“_

 _Hyuck they’re not ready yet. They need to cool and be glazed. You can have one when you get back from your date okay? We can even have some hot cocoa to go with it.”_ Jaemin bargains, knowing the way to Donghyuck’s reason is through his sweet tooth. Donghyuck pouts again but soon lights up with Jaemin’s suggestion. Seriously, his housemates only think with their stomachs. _“Okay Jaeminnie! But I won’t be able to focus on my date knowing I have you to come home to”_ Donghyuck teases, with a little flirtation entering his tone, which Jaemin deliberately ignores. 

Shuffling his hand dismissively towards the little devil, Jaemin turns his focus back to the claws even though he knows they need to cool for longer before any more can be done. Avoiding Donghyuck when he teases is a must. He hears his roommate leave rather than sees him go, but the cackle that follows him out of the kitchen echoes in Jaemin’s ear for a while. Jaemin turns to the task of tidying up. 

Sometime later, when the claws have cooled and been glazed, and Renjun has unleashed the tale of the boy in his group that just won’t stop flirting and getting Renjun all mad, Donghyuck returns from his failed date and demands to be cheered up with cuddles and baked goods. Jaemin sets to packing up the claws for the three of them to pass out. He makes sure to leave one aside to give to Johnny, anonymously of course.

Jaemin picks up each box, first emptying out the crumbs and then rinsing them under the hot tap. Jaemin does this without thinking, so he almost doesn’t notice the piece of paper in the final box. The small folded note of white paper hidden against the white background of the tub.

At first, he thinks it’s just some rubbish but as Jaemin goes to throw it away, he notices the small blue writing on it. Carefully he uncurls the note, wondering what the hell it could be and stops in shock when he finally can see what’s written in unneat characters. The paper is a little smudged with some of the oil left in the box, but Jaemin can read the words clear as day. 

**_“You give me hope in the darkest corners where the light does not shine. You are the extraordinary I’ve been waiting for my whole life.”_ **

Jaemin doesn’t know what to think. Was this a joke?

Where has the note come from? Did it accidentally fall into the box? But how could it have? Did one of his roommates write this note? He feels panic flutter in his stomach at the thought of one of his roommates saying such bold and crazy words, but it doesn’t feel right. These are not the kinds of words they would say. The tone doesn’t suit them. 

Finally, he reasons, it must be from someone who's eaten one of Jaemin’s treats. And from the looks of it maybe they’ve had quite a few of them. The words seem too serious for something as silly as the act of baking cakes and biscuits, and the sincerity throws Jaemin off. 

No-one has ever called him extraordinary before in this way and here a stranger is doing it so easily. This stranger who doesn’t even know who Jaemin is and is saying he is someone who gives them hope. A light in the dark. It scares him.

Heart pounding Jaemin slides the note into a small Tupperware box he keeps in his supply cupboard, knowing not one of his roommates will dare to disturb his private space without his permission. It feels wrong to throw the precious note away somehow - Even if Jaemin doesn’t know where it came from. It could be from any of the people Donghyuck, Renjun or Chenle know. 

But truthfully, what warms Jaemin’s heart the most, as he packs the bear claw in the boxes to be delivered to their destinations tomorrow, is that the note writer will once again feel hope and that someone in this difficult existence will feel better because of him. He will matter for one shiny moment. Jaemin wonders whether the note writer will write again and he pushes down the traitorous part of his heart that hopes above anything that they will. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the little bit of inspo for this chapter theme @DracoWillHearAboutThis <3 & massive thanks to my beta reader, who doesn't write or read any kind of fandom but pours her love into my stories making them better:D
> 
> The recipe Jaemin follows is from the blog 'Two of a Kind' & can be found here if you wanted to try them - http://www.twoofakindcooks.com/cinnamon-roll-bear-claws

**Author's Note:**

> I found some inspiration. Not sure where this will go but please be patient with me. I hope you are well and healthy. Much love x


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